All week I’ve been reading MTV New’s “Weezy Week” with varied reaction….some storieswere just fawning Weezy propaganda, lol, no diss (”Mary J Blige called me and showed love after my arrest!”). While other stories revealed a humble Wayne (”I would never go back at 50. He’s a trillionaire”) or a regretful Wayne, both of which were interesting .
But today’s story shows an introspective, vulnerable Lil Wayne that I can relate to and respect. Shaheem Reid talked to Weezy about his obvious and disturbing addiction to promethezine/codeine cough syrup.
“Everybody wants me to stop all this and all that. It ain’t that easy.”
“Do your history, do your research,” he vented. “It ain’t that easy — feels like death in your stomach when you stop doing that sh–. You gotta learn how to stop, you gotta go through detox. You gotta do all kinds of stuff. Like I said, I’m a selfish-ass n—a. I feel like everything I do is successful and productive. It’s gonna be hard to tell me I’m slipping. It’s hard to sit and tell a n—a ‘Stop.’….”
But then in a flash, you can see that Wayne puts his fireman guard right back up….because he is mentally justifying what he’s doing to himself, with macho indignation.
“Let me do me. Everybody’s got their thing,” he continued with frustration. “Why focus on me? Don’t compare me to no one. Don’t compare me to no one who has passed, and why they passed. I can walk out this b—h right now and get hit by a bus. Don’t judge me. You wanna judge me, put on a black gown and get a gavel….”
Sadly, at the end of the interview, Wayne describes what life is like backed in a corner. And I’m sensing a definite fatalistic resentment there, which is a bad sign to me.
“Everybody around here be looking down. I deal with it. … I never been one to run. I stand there and take it and throw it right back at them b—hes. That’s’ always been my game….
“It’s inspiring me, but I’mma tell them now they better stop,” he warned. ” ‘Cause they [are trying to] push me off the edge. If I jump, I’m taking the world with me. That’s my word.”
In Wayne’s World (inside his head), family and friends are the enemy. Lean is the only one who truly understands him.